


Headmaster Jabba

by WlTCH



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: M/M, lightsaber caning, mentions of drugs and jokes about death n shit, this is horrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WlTCH/pseuds/WlTCH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Han gets in trouble and is sent to Headmaster Jabba's office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Headmaster Jabba

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to the original author of Headmaster Solo

Han Solo was a fairly horrible student. He never did his homework on time or studied for upcoming tests. He was also a class clown and always interrupted the teacher with witty comments. The seventeen year old was a known drug dealer. He was in the middle of selling Leia Organa some coke in the bathroom near Professor Boba Fett’s engineering class. Mr. Fett rarely spoke to his class, but all of the nerdy students claimed he was “the coolest teacher”. 

Leia gave Han the $30 for a g and and turned around to walk to AP Psychology with Mr. Kenobi. Han tucked the money into the back pocket of his jorts and tried to calculate how much Panera Bread mac n cheese he could buy. When Han realized that he could get either 7 bread bowls or 10 normal bowls, he jumped in the air and yelled “HELL YEAH BITCH WE POPPIN BIG BOTTLES TONIGHT”

"Quiet down, Mister Solo. That's your second warning today."  
Said Han's Slug-eque Headmaster. Han's face turned multiple shades of green, his eyes frozen on the sickening body before him. Headmaster Jabba was the least attractive human being he's ever laid eyes on. His few hairs were gelled and combed over in a sad attempt to hide Headmaster Hutt’s greasy bald head. But as soon as he came, the sooner he hobbled off. Thank god. Han heeled around the corner in a flash and headed to his biology class. He was late nearly twenty minutes, but his teacher, Professor Greedo, ushered him to his seat with no avail. Han was his least favorite student. Sometimes just being in Greedo’s class made Han want to reach into his backpack. Just kidding. He wasn’t some loner like Luke Skywalker’s dad was. 

“Greedo looks like if Headmaster Jabba got started smoking crystal meth lmao" Han was talking loudly “like just OD already Professor for real”.  
Han’s offensive comments were typical, but the class still burst out laughing.  
"Mr. Solo; this is the four hundred and twentieth time I've warned you to be quiet. Go to Headmaster Jabba's office for your punishment." Greedo said in a nasally voice, raising his arm to the door. Han's body grew hot underneath his jean vest and v-neck shirt. He heelied as slowly as possible to Jabba’s office until he rounded the next corner. His eyes were already pricked with tears, his uncovered chest heaving up and down before the door swung open. "Solo, come in please."

———

"How many do you think you deserve?" Jabba asked sternly to the boy bent over his desk. “69” Han said in response, tears falling onto the wooden surface. This was definitely a normal thing for Jabba to do. Under his school board regulations, he was allowed to spank the students that misbehaved (also kids were allowed to sell crack in the bathrooms). Jabba reached into his bottom desk drawer and pulled out a Lightsaber™.  
“Holy shit is that real?” Han asked, just the thought of caning and Star Wars® together made his c*ck hard. He groaned, and pleaded Jabba for more punishment.  
“420 it is.”  
“lit” Han said.

———

Jabba brought his Lightsaber™ down hard onto Han’s bare ass. The power of the Lightsaber™ was able to instantly cut off Han’s legs and cauterize the wounds. Oh fuck. Han's legs hit the floor while puddles of tears soaked the aged wood of the desk and leaked onto some discarded papers. Han’s upper body was still on Jabba’s desk.

"P-Please stop, Headmaster!"  
Unfortunately for Han, the heat from the Lightsaber™ had started a fire. It all happened so fast. Suddenly Han’s body was covered in 3rd degree burns. Jabba knew what he had to do. He quickly dialed 6969-666-420, the number of his old friend Sheev. 

Jabba chuckled, “Listen up druggie, your pretty face may be gone, but you will now have great power………and also a cooler voice and you can be 7ft tall and live in an egg”.

Han just continued to burn. He never even got to feel the texture of Jabba

“Now go back to class kid”

**Author's Note:**

> why are u still here lol


End file.
